I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
