I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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