Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
