I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
