It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
