Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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