Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You made out with two different species that night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize