my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
