I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
