Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
