Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
