I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
