I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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