I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
