get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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