At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
