why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
