Someone shit on the floor
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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