i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
