I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Sober January is a disaster.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
