R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
