I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
