Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
