Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just found a bag of teeth...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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