I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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