Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
