cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
