Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
