he thought i was a dude.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
