he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
barbara walters just said penis...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
