I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
