Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
