I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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