He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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