I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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