someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
