I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
