I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
