Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
