More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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