apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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