Quick, to the slutcave!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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