I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
