Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
