Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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