i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
