This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
