Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
