note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
