I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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