turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
