she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
