So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
