Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
