can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
