That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
