i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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