its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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