Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
