just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
