So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
