I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
