I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
