Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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