i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
