I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
