Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
