Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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