so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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