I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
