I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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