So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize