were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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