Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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