yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
