She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
