is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
