i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
