Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
