she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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