I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
