i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
