Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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